Money Cannot Buy All The Love That’s Here Tonight

It’s hard to explain our passion. There are reasons that are special to each and everyone of us of why we do this. Whether it’s because we have a mom, dad, family member, friend, or loved one who has cancer or had cancer, or merely because it is simply just unfair for a child to have to fight against something so evil, we all come together. We come together for the simply fact that no one should feel alone, especially a child, and so they know they have over 17,000 people fighting along side of them. Some might say that we are crazy for dancing for 46 hours. But sometimes you have to hurt for the cause to be reached. The pain the dancers and everyone feels that weekend couldn’t come close to the physical and emotional pain these children and their families feel everyday. When we look at a broken world, THON makes everything seem right. And although people may not understand, in only a few short moments they will know who are. We are Wise to know that it is because of our efforts that will dance in celebration one day. We are Courageous to take on such insurmountable feat. We are Strong to bear the burden this families and child feel for a lifetime. We are honest with this children and make them smile, laugh, and enjoy life, and it is in those moments the real reason why we THON. In those moments we know no child can feel pain, because they know they are loved. No matter if you are on the floor or in the nosebleeds, with one look around the BJC you know no amount of money can buy all of the love that fills that stadium. To close out THON 2014 one last time, raise your hands towards the sky for Chris and every child who has fought, who are fighting, and who are now our angels watching over us. Forever & Always FTK 

Goodnight and Stay Sexy

Image

Advertisements

One Night Stand

Some days are harder than others. They tell me to just keep the faith that one day it will all be better. To follow the path He has laid out before me, but that path has become covered. So with each step I take forward, I fall. A hidden trap that was set below me. Sometimes I have to think if these traps are set by an enemy, but often times I know that I am their creator. I just keep on making the same mistakes, because I continue to succumb to my frustrations. And the build up seems so pure. And the communication seems mutual. I think the two of us are under the same notions that we are just gonna have fun. But little did I know that I was just a hit and run. And I know I have to learn to be happy alone before I can let someone else in, but I’ve been alone. Happiness is relative; in all honesty are any of us really happy. I rather silence these urges with superficial entities. And as the numbers keep increasing, I start to think. I think about the morals I used to set for myself, and who I am coming to be. It’s okay because I just filter out the pain. But the pain is easy to deal with, but this frustration is here to stay. In the moment everything is good. But when that moment ends, I’m left feeling empty. I know the words you tell me are just empty. You tell me to you’ll see me soon, but we both know that’s not true. However, I just lie to myself and say this one is different, because I have some power over them that’s nonexistent. And it only take me twenty four hours to realize that I’m only good enough for a one night stand. Goodnight and Stay Sexy

Image

Gut Feeling

I don’t know why God keeps putting me in these situations. He has blessed me with a big, but broken heart. I sometimes feel as though he is telling me to not open up anymore; but to let people in. Maybe it’s situations like these that he is telling me that the people I surround myself with, are not the people I should be around. I have always been able to sense someone’s spirit. And with these people, I allowed my emotion and what I wanted to be the truth, cloud my judgement. I knew their spirit wasn’t pure. Maybe God just keeps telling me to go with my gut feeling. To trust my senses and not allow my superficial needs to get in the way of what truly makes me happy. My ability to care has allowed me to form amazing relationships, but it has also been a curse. Some of my greatest follies stem from my necessity to care. It has often left me feeling abandoned and alone. But a random hug from true friends reminds me that someone cares as much as I do. Goodnight and Stay Sexy

Image

Strangers

I think we underestimate the impact we make in other people’s lives. Our generation has created a world in which everything we do is watched. I have always considered myself to be an observant person. However, it was always a consequence of being a part of, but never in, social groups. Watching other people has made me understand the raw emotion and thoughts that are hidden and stowed behind another’s eyes. It makes me sad that most people would rather walk around pretending to be happy, than rather identify with what is really bothering them. We most often turn to superficial forms of inebriation, but nothing works. I think society has made us into emotional robots, because it has been instilled that we must prove we are the strongest. But when I think about strength, I think about people who are confident in themselves to be open to the others. It’s okay to be afraid to be vulnerable, and sometimes we need to be pushed to become open. However, real happiness comes from being able to let go of any emotional burden that holds us back. Tonight I witnessed a group of people, that at one time we were all perfect strangers. Some of these people have big personalities, but many have a softer souls. The one thing we all had in common was that we were holding in this incredulous pain. It’s hard to show strangers our pain, because we like to create images for others to see us as. Although the thought might be genuine, the end result is even more superficial. And one thing that surprised me was how many people watch me. I have built an image that at times even has me fooled, but my honesty gave way tonight to any false impressions I have made. I guess my tunnel vision has blinded me to the people that surround me. Or it was the fact that I still considered most of these people strangers. Strangers that have impacted my life tonight, in ways I would have never have thought. Strangers that hold onto their pain, because they feel guilty to be happy or simply don’t know what happy is anymore. Perfect strangers that I can now call friends. Goodnight and Stay Sexy

Image

Don’t Let Your Heart Grow Cold

The flame has dimmed. Light has faded away awhile back. Back to where I choose to no longer remember. I lay alone in the cold and dark. Stark nothingness surrounding. I was given everything, but I remain empty handed. Nothing left to prove, and nothing to reignite the flame. Sometimes we try our hardest, work tirelessly, and do the best we can and it’s just never enough. We start to look for signs, maybe seek out God, or doubt ourselves until we find the answers we are forever in search for. But we will never find those answers, because the answers we seek are fabrications that aim to only satisfy our sophomoric egos. The real answer no one wants to hear is, not everyone can be a winner. For the universe be in full balance, there must be winners and losers. I am tired. My eyelids increasingly weigh more each day. The cold air outside makes me feel at ease. Soon I wouldn’t be able to open my eyelids, forever. I can feel my heart beating slower as the cold air fills my lungs. The sharp prickle of the frigid air jabs throughout my body. The pain feels good, and my eyelids grow heavier. I am comfortable with my decision, to just lay here. Where I started seems to have no relevance for the sheer fact that ‘here’ wasn’t where I wanted to be. But I shall not fight anymore. Alone I lay in the dark, my heart cold, my breath short. Some people just weren’t meant to be winners. It’s time that I realize I am a loser. Goodnight and Stay Sexy

Image

Reality

Life has a way of changing up the game no matter what quarter you’re in. Lately, I have spent more time just trying to identify what I am feeling with words. I haven’t had any luck. Honestly, it seems to be a waste of time. But how am I to solve my problems if I can’t even identify them. There has always been idle time, though now it seems contrived. Tainted with feelings of anger, sadness, and jealousy; how can I still be happy? The reality is that I don’t know what I am feeling. I just feel tired. Life is wearing me out, and my efforts seem futile. I try to keep reminding myself of why I can never give up, but those reasons have become lost. Lost. I thought I had found who I was and who I wanted to be, but I am still lost. It’s strange, because I don’t think about these things when I’m with you. I think I am happy, though I’m not sure. No! I don’t want to be happy, because I don’t deserve to be happy. I haven’t worked hard enough to enjoy the simple pleasures life has to offer. The pleasure of just the shear company of someone you care about. You’re not a friend though. I want to keep you away, because I am not a good person. But at the same time, I know I am only setting myself up for failure. Life has a way of keeping me low, even with I feel high. I don’t know for what reasons yet, though I know there is a reason. I have no identity. I only have my reality. Goodnight and Stay sexyImage

Patience

It seems like all I have been going is waiting. I feel like I’m this limbo stage, where I don’t know my place. My future seems to be growing dim with each day. However, I don’t whether or not that dimness is just from my future being so unclear, or from my self doubt. It could be a combination of both, because my self doubt breeds thoughts of an unhappy future. For someone who has waited for years for his life to start, I’m just so over this game. Everyday it seems I have to play the same games just to get through the passing hours. And for someone who is determined to win each game, it seems never ending. At what point do I succumb to the rising pressure on my shoulders. I preach about mental strength, but I am strong enough to push through the final game. It starts by being confident in myself that nothing will stop me. That although I will be challenged and fail those challenges, that in reality it is impossible to fail in life. Because with each challenge I shall learn something new about myself, that will help me become a better me. I guess one can fail at life, if they never realize their failure. But it’s hard to stay confident when you fail, because it only proves my doubts. It only proves that I am in fact not good enough, and I won’t accomplish the goals I set for myself. Maybe I set these goals too high. Or maybe I can accomplish my goals and turn my dreams into reality if I just learn to be patient. I think now I understand. My current challenge isn’t about proving myself to others, but it’s about learning how I need a little bit of hope and a lot of patience to finally succeed. Goodnight and Stay sexy

Image