Growing Up

I just finished my first day at my internship at a real big boy job. Today has been in the works for a long time, and now that it has passed it seems surreal. I just remember when I was in middle school and high school, I would be in my room on the weekends. I had nothing to do, no friends, no one but myself. I told myself that it was all going to get better. I told myself that today is temporary and that tomorrow will be better. Most times tomorrow wasn’t better. Most days that light at the end of the tunnel turned dim. But no matter how dim that light got, I always saw it. Of course there have been times of happiness and joy along my journey. Those times were always short lived, but never forgotten. I never forgotten those times, because I wasn’t going to let the fact that they were no more, damper their reality. Memories are as real as the reality once was, because we are never left with any physical reality, but only those memories. I think today has been surreal for me because I never get what I work for. I have gotten used to this constant pattern of being turned away or let down. If I would have allowed the social stigmas to overcome my identity, I would not be here. I wouldn’t be in this very moment enjoying the fruits of my labor. But for some reason I still can’t help but to look back and remember all of those trials and tribulations I have gone through. Yes, in retrospect they might not have been that major, but they have shaped me into the man I am today. And the man I am today is vastly different than the boy who sat in his room all weekend long, alone. A boy that once dreamt of a time when I would truly be free and independent. A time where I could be true to myself and still be successful, because I am the only person who will dictate my success. But for some reason it all still feels like a dream. Statistically, I am not suppose to be here. I can’t help feeling that I am out of place, but I know I’m suppose to be here. I can’t help but to feel that I don’t belong. Nothing more than a mere impostor with the intend to actually become something. This is no coincidence, but His plan all along. And now when I look in the mirror, I see someone who knows what he truly wants. But growing up is scary. And no matter how long you have dreamt this dream, no matter how long you have fought this fight, and no matter how long you have waited; once it becomes your turn it’s still hard not to be afraid. Growing up can be scary, but the only fear I have is failure. I have worked too hard for failure to be an option, and I’m finally have the courage to grow up. Goodnight and Stay Sexy