Don’t Let Your Heart Grow Cold

The flame has dimmed. Light has faded away awhile back. Back to where I choose to no longer remember. I lay alone in the cold and dark. Stark nothingness surrounding. I was given everything, but I remain empty handed. Nothing left to prove, and nothing to reignite the flame. Sometimes we try our hardest, work tirelessly, and do the best we can and it’s just never enough. We start to look for signs, maybe seek out God, or doubt ourselves until we find the answers we are forever in search for. But we will never find those answers, because the answers we seek are fabrications that aim to only satisfy our sophomoric egos. The real answer no one wants to hear is, not everyone can be a winner. For the universe be in full balance, there must be winners and losers. I am tired. My eyelids increasingly weigh more each day. The cold air outside makes me feel at ease. Soon I wouldn’t be able to open my eyelids, forever. I can feel my heart beating slower as the cold air fills my lungs. The sharp prickle of the frigid air jabs throughout my body. The pain feels good, and my eyelids grow heavier. I am comfortable with my decision, to just lay here. Where I started seems to have no relevance for the sheer fact that ‘here’ wasn’t where I wanted to be. But I shall not fight anymore. Alone I lay in the dark, my heart cold, my breath short. Some people just weren’t meant to be winners. It’s time that I realize I am a loser. Goodnight and Stay Sexy

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Reality

Life has a way of changing up the game no matter what quarter you’re in. Lately, I have spent more time just trying to identify what I am feeling with words. I haven’t had any luck. Honestly, it seems to be a waste of time. But how am I to solve my problems if I can’t even identify them. There has always been idle time, though now it seems contrived. Tainted with feelings of anger, sadness, and jealousy; how can I still be happy? The reality is that I don’t know what I am feeling. I just feel tired. Life is wearing me out, and my efforts seem futile. I try to keep reminding myself of why I can never give up, but those reasons have become lost. Lost. I thought I had found who I was and who I wanted to be, but I am still lost. It’s strange, because I don’t think about these things when I’m with you. I think I am happy, though I’m not sure. No! I don’t want to be happy, because I don’t deserve to be happy. I haven’t worked hard enough to enjoy the simple pleasures life has to offer. The pleasure of just the shear company of someone you care about. You’re not a friend though. I want to keep you away, because I am not a good person. But at the same time, I know I am only setting myself up for failure. Life has a way of keeping me low, even with I feel high. I don’t know for what reasons yet, though I know there is a reason. I have no identity. I only have my reality. Goodnight and Stay sexyImage