I Can Feel Again

I can’t help but to look back and see the person I was not too long ago. I was a lost soul just trying to make it through each day, everyday. I could never find my way, floating from one person to another just trying to find a connection. There was never someone to lend on or call a friend. There was never someone to talk too, someone I could trust. There were just people and a lot of emptiness. Fast forward to now. I go happen to find myself going back to the place I once was every now and again, but this time I know I can rely on my memories. About a month and a half ago, I will never forget. I time I stood forty six hours for kids with cancer. I know the kids are forever grateful for what we do, but I don’t think they understand the impact they make in our lives, or at least mine. I found myself through that experience. And I go back to that place in my mind to find comfort and resolution. It was the first time I had really felt unconditional love. It reminded me how to love. I was a lonely soul, but that’s the old me. I can feel again. Good night and Stay sexyImage



Everyday we choose to carry around our burdens. Burdens that never leave the darkest corners of our heads. Burdens that hold us back from being the people we want to be. Many of us live everyday in fear that the piles of skeletons will, one day, come tumbling out of a welded closet. Bones and blood for the world to see, and to judge us accordingly. I don’t think we are actually scared for the world to judge us, but we fear self-realization. The secrets we keep locked behind noble doors might expose who we really are. Someone we do not want to face. It’s a shame we cannot live free within our own soul. These secrets taint the fabric in which we use to weave the lives we chose to lead. A tapestry sewn with steel wool. Goodnight and stay sexyImage


Reality seems to never really hit us until we hit the bottom. 

ImageHave you ever wondered why it’s called ‘falling in love’? It’s morbid to really think about, but where are we falling to? Why do we fall? I honestly think most of us are pushed into love, even cornered at times. It seems like there isn’t any other way out, and this breeds falsehoods. We love to fall. The weightlessness, freedom, and tranquility engulfs our hearts. It floods our minds and denies us entry to any logical thinking. It’s kind of ironic. We feel most alive during the fall, but we’re falling towards our demise. Gravity will set in sooner or later, and at one point we have to hit the bottom. Landing hurts, and once reality sets in, it doesn’t make anything better. Many think love is eternal, but we all have to wake up from these dreams. Real love is hard work, and sometimes never pays off. That’s why we have so many angry people in this world; because they’re really just sexually frustrated. Goodnight and stay sexy


Honesty is hard for many people. And although you might think honesty is restricted to just being truthful to another person, you’re wrong. The honesty most people have a difficult time dealing with is honesty with themselves. It is easy to criticize others, call them bullies, tell them they are ugly, fat, stupid, annoying, dumb, loud, quiet, a bitch, a fag, lazy, a leech, worthless. But the truth of the matter is, people call others worthless when THEY, themselves, feel like nothing. But no one is worthless. We need to have the ability to find the meaning of our lives. THAT starts by being able to look at yourself in the mirror and see your own flaws. And we must grow to love those flaws, even though they are what holds us back from life. They hold us back from participating. This is agony. We have to do what makes us happy. This is agony. We have to say the things that are on our mind. Otherwise, those thoughts eat away at our soul. This is agony. We have to be happy with ourselves before we can think about making anyone else better. This is agony. We have to enjoy life. This is a thrill. Good night and stay sexyImage


Some people are lucky enough to never have this feeling. The feeling that there is no one on your side, who has your back, or can call you their friend. Some people are lucky enough to be blessed with loving friends and families. Those people are lucky to never have had the feeling of being alone and unwanted. No different than a ghost. Gently gliding through the motions of everyday sustainability without a smile. Without a glimmer of hope that one day things will get better. Walking along the same path hoping someone would take notice. Hoping someone cared. There are people in our society; our neighbors, our classmates, our roommates who feel they belong to nothing. Just think about that. In a world full of everything, they feel they belong to nothing. Just like a ghost, they glide through life with no identity and no purpose. Although it may seem shallow to some, but the simple solution is to befriend one of those ghosts. Help them find the soul of life, so they could be filled with a color and joy. The outcast is just looking for one person to walk beside them, and not past them. Good night and stay sexyImage

Dear Friend

What does it mean to participate in life? There are some people who go by unnoticed. They walk around looking as though they have no purpose, no meaning, or no mission in life. Lifeless to some, useless to others and a friend to a few, if any. Although it may seem those people are quiet and reserved, it doesn’t mean they don’t have struggles of their own. The war waged everyday inside the head is one no one wins; the constant struggle of finding “understanding” in the world and to make sense of things that seem to have no reasoning. What does it mean? What does everything mean? What does nothing mean? I can tell you, as once being one of those people, we aren’t trying to find meaning. But understanding the reason behind society is the way we can unlock happiness. We watch others live their life. We watch people being happy, sad, and empty. We see a lot of sadness and emptiness rather than happiness. We absorb our surroundings and teach ourselves how to integrate into society, while at the same time battle the demons in our head. The only way to unlock that happiness to become an active participant in life. Friend, I am writing this just so you know you are not alone so I also do not feel alone. The first step in being an active participant is finding a shoulder to cry on and them telling you it’s okay. Goodnight and stay sexyImage


The hardest thing for many people to do is move onto the next chapter of their lives. It’s easy to talk about, and it’s easy to go through the motions of moving on. However, the real battle happens in our heads. Where we have a difficult time with parting from something in our life we hold dear. The reality of the situation is, we cannot move onto the next chapter of our lives without closing the one we are currently in. Many people have a difficult time knowing when to end, stop talking, and wrap up their thoughts. The same applies to real life. We struggle with knowing our time has come, and for us to let go of the reigns seems impossible. 


But I urge each and everyone of you to evaluate your current status in life. Determine whether or not if you are happy with everything that is going on around you. Determine whether or not you have taken advantage of every opportunity you could of. We may not be happy, we may not have pushed ourselves towards greatness; but we have to realize when to say enough is enough.Closing one chapter only opens a new beginning. And the best books are those that take the readers on an emotional roller coaster, in which the main character becomes a better person by the final page. Life takes you on that same journey. Embrace the happy chapters and be thankful for the sad chapters, because together they create the story of who we are. Good night and stay sexy